Love Literacy: Chapter Three

We went through chapter three fully online. Isn’t it interesting that the fact that we’re physically far away from each other could eventually make us closer in some ways compared to when we’re together in person? I think this idea of online and offline has come to be a little blurry these days. We explored many long distance modes of communication, audio/video call whatsapp, zoom meetings, or instagram. I guess if I had to pick one as our favorite it’ll be instagram calls. I don't know why and we don’t know why. This is probably because my phone dies quite often from time to time. And whatsapp on my mac cannot really allow me to do facetime somehow. It used to be just fine a while back but not anymore. 

We keep each other on check by sharing whatever we do throughout the day everyday. We’re not good with long distance but we tried our best to make peace with that. We still have some fights from time to time but not that type of fights that will stimulate something bad or worse. We sometimes sing together over the video calls. And watch each other sleep. Sometimes I fall asleep first. The other times it’s her and I’ll stay awake for one hour or two until finally I end the calls because I needed to go to sleep as well. Those types of things that couples do when they’re not together. It still feels unreal to be totally honest. And I cannot thank God and her enough for making me go through all these. The answers to my prayers that I wouldn’t expect to come this early in life. Life is good and God is good. I’m grateful.

And I guess I owe an apology to people I know who need to go through long distances. For example, my roommates back in AZ. I used to not comprehend the reasoning behind their actions of why they keep calling their girlfriend back in Indo all day all night. I now understand their point of view a little better. My relationship is not as old as theirs so this is not apple to apple but I can somehow grasp the idea of how long distance sucks. It hurts to know that your other half is so far away from you. Someone that you can actually touch is no longer there beside you because they are somewhere else. Especially for me that I just recently learned that I’m sorted into the physical type category when it comes to dating. I need to constantly remind myself that I’m not alone anymore but she’s just not physically available because we happen to live not in the same geographical area at the moment. I think just like fighting makes us closer, being in a long distance also somehow has made us closer one way or another. This is probably because a relationship is beyond physical, I mean it definitely includes physical but it is also emotional. How we connect emotionally.

Anyways, I keep having some type of thoughts that I want her to feel proud of having me as her boyfriend. I mean, I know she loves me and all that. But she never really publicly says it out loud on social media. I know she doesn't have to do it. But seeing other people’s girlfriends posting their boyfriends kinda makes me feel jealous. I know what we have is real but why am I the only one who keeps uploading her pics and our pics, of course the censored ones because she doesn't want to be seen. There are two scenarios that can be played out here (1) she’s all mine, nobody can see her beauty except me or (2) she doesnt wanna be seen being with me. I know this is silly but it feels like I'm doing everything alone, falling in love alone, simping alone, and all that. I just want her to be proud knowing she’s mine and let the world know. She's real and what we have is real but I just can’t stop thinking, or more like overthinking, that she might not even consider me as her boyfriend. Because if she does, then why is she never uploading me on insta? I’m being silly, I know.