29 feels like 92 and i'm scared

The plan is I'll make up my mind before christmas, yes I give myself a deadline. But today during my last day as a 28-year-old human from earth (because you will never know if there's any other humans in other planets am i right?) I have taken that huge huge decision after a conversation with my mom (and after a lot of debates with myself) about I should give up on everything. To give a little bit of context to what is actually going on, I celebrated halloween this year by submitting my resignation letter but they did not accept it and then I thought I would try again next time like somewhere in december-ish aka at least before christmas finally comes around this year aka the end of this semester. This is because something happened, they said it was wrong but I did not even know it was wrong, so they got mad and i'm also got mad, they wanted me to get fired but then after talking with the people in charge they did not fire me, that is why, I tried to fire myself but they would not allow that, and then I'm kinda confused and furious and all that. (this sounds a lot like a complete story rather than just a context about something that happened) 

But now everything has been settled. I have decided to stay after a lot of talks with many people, looking for information and stories online with similar cases. And to use my brain more than my heart. I mean I have no fear at all when it comes to resign or move from one job to the other, however, considering my age that sounds a little more serious right now. I think it is time to finally stick to one job and actually take all efforts necessary to make it last. I hope this is the best decision. I'll definitely write an update if I ended up changing my mind again or things don't go as planned or whatever reason. But hopefully not.

It is now only an hour before midnight, before I officially turn 29 and start my last twenties. As usual nobody knows my birthday except my mom. But this year is a little different because my girlfriend also knows my birthday. Yes I have a girlfriend now. And I've talked a lot about her in other entries. It's actually good that nobody knows because imagine being 29 and still haven't figured things out, financially speaking and so many other things as well, but mostly financially. Fingers crossed things will get better.

I wanna thank God for letting me live this long. I wanna thank myself for actually not giving up on life even though things have always been a roller coaster for sure. I've been very negative these days. Especially during September and October. I wish I can start my last twenties with more positivity. I need to open my eyes and being grateful for everything. I completed grad school a year ago. I am now teaching in a university (even though with all the drama along the way). I am no longer alone because I have found someone that I hope I can spend the rest of my life with. Mom is healthy. Sisters are doing well. I have small close friends that actually too small. Things are great. I need to think positive more often.

I'm really scared starting my 29 because it means I'm gonna be 30 November next year. I am not and will never be ready to be that old. 29 feels a lot like 92 because I do feel old even though I may not look like one (this is may or may not a self proclaim statement). This is probably because a lot of people I know now, especially within the context of my current job are actually either older or way older than me. They are during their 30s or even 40s. That is actually scary to imagine being that old. But on the other hand, I wish I can live that long to reach 30s, 40s 50s and many more. There are so many things I wanna do on earth. I wanna thank myself once again for surviving another year of human life. Happy 29th!