national nothing day

I recently found out that the you-know-what hub website can be accessed here. I mean, yeah, it is supposed to be working just fine since this country is where that web comes from. A friend of mine told me about this (whether or not what he said is true that he checked the web already) and I was not really paying attention at that time, presumably because I was just about to start my first week of grad school. However, Saturday and Sunday (the day I am writing this) came along and I felt a little bit cold somehow (or basically bored because I did my assignments due next week but I do not have the courage to submit them at least not after showing them to the writing center in order to make sure that my writings are fine). For your information, it has been two months (I guess) since the last time I had a session on something I cannot mention the word because it is a little bit too explicit so I might just provide its definition based on the oxford dictionary (with a little bit of paraphrase) which is a stimulation of the you-know-what down there with the hand for pleasure. So, go back to the you-know-what hub website, I watched one and then two and then I lost count. I felt like a failure, I have been free and totally clean from those types of things for months (I know it's just two months but it's still a lot) but now I'm going back to where I started.

I also just found out that today is a national nothing day. I did my research (basically google search) and found that there is one Wikipedia page dedicated to explaining what is this national nothing day. This unofficial national day has been around for a little while, it started in 1970-ish. So, this thing is pretty much legit. On the one hand, I have watched them so there is no going back or anything I can do to undo the action and I just wish I will not end up doing the session as I mentioned its definition earlier. On the other hand, I literally cannot sleep and keep watching. I know this can only be stopped if I do the session. So, there are these steps or let's say things to be done in order, the P and M and O, just put those letters altogether and add No in front of them and google will tell you literally what it means and you're good to go but if you already know then it's totally fine. I initially just wanted to do the P without the M and the O. But, you know, I failed. I know I can only go back if I completed them in order, so I did the P, M, and O.

I am writing this to justify what I have done. To at the very least lift up some of the regrets from my shoulders so that I can continue my day. I am sorry to start the first post in 2022 on this blog with such unspeakable action. I know I have no time for this. So, let's start over (again). I know we can do this. It is a long road indeed. I need to keep going forward and onward and whatever. To conclude this piece of confession of sin kind of thing. I will quote the Jumah preaching this week in Islamic center (I know I cannot remember the exact words but I will try to deliver the point). "Yes, indeed it is okay that we can always commit sins and then ask for forgiveness multiple times, unlimited times to God. And then He will surely forgive us. However, if we keep doing it, we will never be able to move to the next level." or something along those lines. I arrived pretty late that day but I heard that exact words once I sit. It is almost as if I was meant to hear those words. I on Friday had no idea I'll commit sins in the next days.