Love Literacy; Chapter One

our story actually started off in january. well, 4th of january to be precise when a friend of mine introduced her to me. and introduced me to her. so, she’s a friend of my friend. meaning we have a mutual friend but we don’t know each other until this one friend becomes the bridge. i think you know how it works just fine. and i’m only making things complicated.

so since a long time ago i’ve been meaning to get to know someone i don’t know. a complete stranger. but then again i don’t want to get to know a stranger stranger if you know what i mean. so i’ve heard the best solution would be meeting someone new but through a friend. the friend here taking the role as a cupid. our cupid. i know this friend for almost a decade and she knows this friend for only less than a year. the odds are high but we took the risk.

i don’t really put my hopes high at first because she’s a complete stranger and more importantly an anomaly. i don’t get to know someone this random before. it’s always been a natural occurrence like sharing a project or a group or community or whatever. but this time around i’ve tried something new by meeting someone in a really new way possible. i guess the spirit of new year really get in the way and i’m all for it. the new year new whatever.

we started off by chatting on a chat app and continued by phone calls then we decided to meet in person one week after that. you know what? i got lost that night. i was lost getting to the meeting point. it was in a coffee shop i know even though i only visited the place once in the past. i actually arrived on time at the right place but then i can’t find any signs saying that that was actually the place i was looking for. i started panicking and then opened the google map or apple map that actually only made things worse. i was lost for around half an hour. when i finally got the sense of direction and all that, my confused face met her also confused expression. it turned out she was busy talking with a gojek / better known as the online transportation just like uber but a motorcycle version of it and she’s been trying to sending something somewhere exactly that night. i ended up helping her did the mission.

our first meeting that night was actually not only about two of us. because we were meeting with my other two friends for her research purposes. so the thing is, another complete random fun fact is that both of us just got back to ternate at the end of the year. i’m not sure who gets to ternate first but around the same week. i got back to the island because i’ve finished my grad school abroad. for her case, she got back to the island for master’s thesis research purposes thingy. she’s been doing undergrad and grad school outside of the island. i’m always excited when it comes to research so i thought i was only into the research part but then the more i got to know her the more i realized i’m also falling for her as well.

so the whole january was all about me being back in town and getting back to teaching life and adjusting with everything after two years abroad. all that while also getting to know her through multiple chats and calls and dates when we’re not even a thing or official yet at all. the mystery of life and love, as strange and cringe it might sound, i somehow always feel comfortable around her. but i’m also sort of still not really getting the hang of it, not really got the sense of the fact that she’s real, a walking, breathing human being. then i’ve learned that i felt the happiest when i met her in person but then feeling weird when it’s online. then i’ve found the reason and solution for that starting in february when we finally agree to take one month get to know each other to the next stage of make our relationship official. what is it?

i’ve learned that i’m a physical touch person when it comes to dating. i need to hold her hands whenever we’re together to make sure she’s real. my first dating experience was back in undergrad when i was still in early twenties. now i’m in my late twenties and believe it or not this is my second dating experience. what did i do somewhere in between? getting rejections from girls and self love journey and all that. this is also what has been bothering me so much when it comes to the fact that someone actually wants me and accepts me. this is a new territory, a whole new different experience as someone who has never been liked nor loved before. i’m still very much in the state of denial that someone sees me for who i am and still said yes. i’m not gonna lie, i’m ugly and she’s super pretty. i know it’s only been a month or two but i really wish we can last long and take it to another stage of relationship.

i actually kind of losing counts and stop tracking of how many dates we’ve been going so far during february when we’re finally officially a couple. but it’s been fun. we took lots of pictures and ate a lot of foods and talked about everything everywhere. and more importantly we’re holding hands whenever we got the chance to do it. it’s something good that i don’t have a lot of friends so whenever we go anywhere in public there’s a tiny to none existent chance that i might bump into people i know. well it happened once or twice but not as much as it should have been because the town is small but my circle is even smaller.

there’s a lot of things i would love to jotting down here but i can’t really seem to remember any specific details to be elaborated more. you know, me being me, having problems remembering things. however, one thing for sure, she has helped me open up about the childhood trauma that i never actually talked about with anyone, the childhood trauma that i didn’t even know existed and has haunted me all these years. the past, the not so good upbringing that has led me to be who i am now. about how my parents never really saw me back in the days and how all i’ve done recently during my young adult is basically just because i wanted to be seen and considered. the answers have always been there and i just need someone who can actually being there with me and listened to my story to finally unlock those painful distant past and slowly maybe hopefully start the healing process. and i like how these conversations have always been interactive, we shared our deepest darkest thoughts and memories since very early when we first met. again, me being me, i’m surprised by how i can feel comfortable talking and sharing everything with this stranger.

falling in love with a stranger like in the movies has never been this good. this is someone i can start everything from zero. just like i’m learning new things about her everyday, she’s also going through the same. and i’ve been really enjoying all these process. the more i get to know her the more i fall for her over and over again. then we finally have a one week long distance situation somewhere at the end of february because she had to go somewhere. i’ve learned that i suffered a lot from long distance. funny thing is the day she’s on the way going back to town i asked her to keep me updated by sharing her live sharelocation. it may sound silly and i don’t even know if this kind of thing still a thing considering i’m in my late twenties. however, i also believe that there’s no right or wrong ways of experiencing and expressing love because that’s just how love should have been experienced and expressed, i guess, full of spontaneous actions and no guidelines whatsoever can teach you how to do it right.