love literacy; chapter 8,9,10

if I could give september a name, it would be a stressful september. this is because I've been stressing out since the very beginning. the school year officially starts in september but I've been back on campus since july. I remember somewhere in august I said that 'the kick off of the new semester is not even here yet i'm already out of energy'. then september comes, four weeks out of sixteen weeks, and I'm already getting sick because september is not less tiring. I thought I'm strong enough but I know I am not.

I want to thank her to be the pain and stress reliever, the one I can complain about everything in the world about, but i feel bad because I guess im doing it too much during september. we discuss all the uncertainties right now, the multiple scenarios around it, another multiple scenarios if other things occur instead, and so many things in between. I know im not a good cook. but I can cook. but I know my food is not that good. I gained weight, 50kg for the first time in august but then losing a lot by the end of september.

well, I hate being sick but I like that it's helping us to get to meet each other sooner. I went back home at the end of september so she came to visit. but I hate that i'm not the usual me, I'm not the healthy me yet. I told her to come when I'm feeling better but she came too early. she never listened. I spent a whole month back at home, I taught online classes during my stay at home. I also took part in annual event of civil servant selection in my country. It was exciting, exhausting and disappointing, I could have done better.

I was healthy during her one week stay. then my condition got worse when she's not around anymore. we hanging out, walk around the city, watch a movie or two, she made a lot of food in a lunch box, we visited new cafes recently opened, we loved some of them and hate the others. we eat out at our favorite place and always ordered the same thing, nasi goreng for me and soto for her. we enjoy the rainy day. we talk about everything, we plan the future, we fear of multiple scenarios that may or may not come true. therefore, with everything going on during october (read; sick), i named it an obnoxious october.

then november come along, my comeback to work is a little different considering the situation going on, you can find out the details in other previous entries about the tea. anyways, I'm always sad when november comes, that means I would be one year older than I was before. she's super nice, she sent me a cake. I feel loved. that means a lot.

one week after my birthday, she suddenly come up with a topic that leads to a fight. she's always like this, it's been multiple times, making me not so sure how to react, however, we always found a way to fix whatever happens, and continue our story. but this time it is somewhat different and I am scared. I will call this year's november as nervous november, I'm nervous for becoming 30 next year, and I mean it. I'm also nervous because our story can only be as far as ten chapters. we broke up. she said she's not coming back. november last year I made a wish to meet someone I don't know, to fall in love with, to know what it's like to be loved, to experience happiness, to be simply alive, just like anyone in the world, at least once during this life. earlier this year, this wish surprisingly came true sooner than expected. november this year, the story comes to an end, and nothing makes sense anymore. I'm the saddest boy on earth once again. I do love her. I don't know what's next. two weeks later we forgive each other and continue the story.