i'm upset for a very specific reason

okay okay february is not ending yet but i just need to write this thing down because i already foget and forgive but suddenly got upset again. i know teaching is one thing but grading is another. however, i need to admit that i'm upset over what happened this semester. well, because the current semester is about to start, so i'm talking about last semester. so, i've been only teaching for the past three semesters. i've been grading the students with only alphabets without numbers, accepting late submissions for assigntments, meaning very qualitative subjective heavy, i know. so for the third semester, after sharing my concerns over a conversation with other lecturers, they suggested and shared an excel formula to help me going through the grading with easier process and more objective results. it includes numbers. and then those numbers will be translated into alpbahets at the end. long story short, i'm always open to new ideas, i said yes and thankful for the help. and then the semester ended with some of the students failed the courses. while some others got pretty bad grades.

never have i ever thought that that was just the beginning of a long and tiring drama after drama after drama. now i promised to myself probably i won't give bad grades anymore just to keep my peace. (1) some students asked for better grades to change the bad ones, i said for those who got Ds can do extra assignment for extra credits to be Cs. some of them followed the instruction. some wanted to have more than C which is got me so upset. (2) other cases had something to do with the fact that they never showed up and never did the work but insesting of doing remedials for everything to pass the course. i said multiple nos, followed by blocking, then they came to me in real life begging then believe it or not i then said yes to give them a chance. i know. i hate myself. (3) another unthinkable cases got something like some lecturers approached me, quite begging, to pass the students because they're their academic advisee. (4) other lecturers contacted me because the students are their relatives. well, this one is nothing new because this happened before. but it's still quite shocking to witness such things again.

first of all, i hate myself for letting all these things happened to me. I hope I can say no when such things ever happen again in the future. second of all, i think, for future reference, and for my own mental health, i'll remind myself to only giving As, Bs, and Cs. does that sound fair? i don't know. maybe not. well, most likely not. but what can i do right? i'm not sure anymore to give Es but if they don't do any work i think it is naturally justified to earn such grade. but i do hope i won't ever need to pull that move. because i don't want any drama for next semester. and because i know i'm gonna feel bad afterwards. but then again it depends on how they put in the effort to do what they have to do. it's As or Bs or Cs or even Es. i randomly got upset so i wrote this down to feel better. oh and one thing for sure i think i'm gonna abolish on the spot exam fr midterms and finals.