am I gonna sitting on the fence again?

my goal for the next fourteen days is preparing the power points for upcoming semester which starts literally in two weeks from now. but here's a thing or two; (1) there has not been any faculty meeting about the courses distribution, like who is gonna teach what courses and things like that. and reflecting back on the previous semester it'll be around one day or two before the semester starts which is totally not cool (2) there are tons of slides I'm gonna need to prepare because it's about sixteen weeks meeting. again, referring to last semester, I barely made it, I mean I'm creating the slides during the semester which is kinda exhausting. well, to be fair, I did not have extra time to prepare everything before the first week of classes because of the last minute courses distribution thingy in which I'm afraid will be the same problem for this semester again. so, I'm trying my best to optimize my free time, meaning these two weeks before classes begin somewhere in the middle of february. so that's one thing on my mind right now. i'm planning to do things a little bit different this semester though, I would like to increase students' participation by incorporating group projects. so there's some mix portion of group and individual work included. I'm looking forward to see how this is going to be played out during the whole classes meetings later on.

another thing stuck on my mind is about the whole life decisions that I made or am making right now. you know, about these whole career choices I've made up my mind for the past year. but I watched a documenter film today, I believe it's out there officially since the end of december last year. but based on the date written on youtube it was uploaded somewhere in january. well, it doesn't really matter actually, what matters is that the issue has been going around since last year. people have been talking about it on social media, and the news about it is literally everywhere, and the latest update some people, lecturers, have been going to the street speak their voice, something that has never been occured in the past. lecturers used to camplaining about how their students did such a thing but now they're the ones doing it. anyways, they're lecturers working at public universities and getting paid by the government. some said, they got paid enough so why asking for more. others argued that they're just asking for what being promised. people I know, or people like me, I mean us people working at private universities do not really doing the same and I don't know why. I know this is their fight but we are also actually not okay at all and we definitely should do something about it. the situation of working at private universities is even worse. but unlike public universities lecturers deliver their complains to the government because got paid by the government, what's going on for the private universities lecturers are not exactly the same, not at all.

I wrote somewhere last year that I've decided to continue whatever is going on right now. however, couple of last minutes on the documenter film I watched today bothers me. It bothers me a lot. I do have plans adjusted with the whatever going on right now. What's happening now is bad but there is hope things will get better. unfortunately, if what I've watched during those last minutes of the documenter is real, this particular bad situation will get better through a transition but the cause of that transition is another bad situation. okay, I'm working on this situation based on the assumptions if what is being mentioned at those last minutes are true, therefore, it might be true, and it also might not the be case. but this is concerning.

everything is full of uncertainties here. these territories are blurry and scary. I know the only certainty is the uncertainty has been my unofficial mantra navigating through life. but I can't lie that deep down I want certainties. I thought my long internal battles about my career choices have ended last year. but now the more I know, the more I try to find out more information, the more I feel confused. what should I do?

everyone, and by everyone I mean people at the university I'm working at are looking forward to the promised transition. the promised has been going around since years ago and somehow that promise seems to be closer than ever before. however, one of the potential price we need to pay for the transition is that our status as permanent lecturers will turn into contracted lecturers. and what's concerning about this is that such system may not accomodate the personal or professional development, meaning no more promotion, no more further studies required, meaning the total opposite of what being a lecturer is about. I have a lot of questions so I ask Google's AI, Gemini, the answers help a little bit. But I'm still confused. I guess we never know until it's finally happening. time will tell how things are going to be in the future.