unspoken words written on unsent letter

I hope you read this - I hope you don’t – I don’t know -

Hi. I’m nobody and we’ve been friends like, one year, or two, I guess. On the first year, I only know you by name and face but we don’t actually have any further contact more than that. On the second year, somehow we met in quite bunch of times and we started getting closer. The reason I wrote this letter is that because . . . because I wanted to tell you something, something I never tell anyone else, especially you, well, my best friend knows about this because I’m sharing everything with my best friend, but, hey lets back to it now. I wanted to tell you the secret I’ve been hiding from you this almost-one-year time that I . . . that I’ve been lying and I’m so sorry, I really am. I’ve been lying this whole time when you talk about your sad stories because of your ex boyfriends and I was pretending to be a good listener while the truth is I only wanted to see your face - I was lying when we had an appointment to meet and you said you need to cancel it because you got no permission to went out that day and I said its okay while the truth was I already on the way nervously thinking what should we talk about because I’m no good small talker - I was lying when I was happy for you when you told me somebody confess their love to you and . . . and you were asking me for suggestion whether to accept it or not and I said you better say yes if you really think he’s a good boy while the truth is I was severely injured that day and trying to keep myself together to finally say those words I never wanted to say as supporting respond regarding your question - I was lying when you had a fight with your bf and I told you to keep positive because you look pretty stressful about it - I was lying when I said I caught a cold and it has nothing to do with we hanging out on the other day, accompanying you got to one of your friend’s home in the middle of the rainstorm day - I was lying when I took a picture of you from the back and I said that the mountain looked good while the truth it was you and not the mountain - I was lying when. . .when you asked what the password of my phone screen, you guessed it was your name and I responded that it wasn’t, but it actually was - I was lying that I was happy for you being together with your new bf and trying to making fun of you about those romantic pictures with him you put on instagram while the truth is it gave quite hard times for me seeing those pictures – I was lying when I said you looked like a boy and had no girlish kind of style while the truth is you always looks beautiful in my eyes by whatever you wore on – I was lying when I asked did your bf was going to pick you up and drive you home after an event the other night while the truth is I was secretly hoping that your answer would be no so that we can heading home together but you said yes and he’s on the way – I was lying when I waving my hands whenever you got home with your bf while the truth is I was wishing that it was me. I know I’m just your another second choice when your prince is currently busy - I know I’m not the only one you were asking for help - I know I’ll never become more than just random friends - I know you don’t think of me as much as I’m thinking of you - I know you never see me as a man - I know I have no charming face or masculine muscle or cool looking gesture eyes or any other manly kind of thing – I know that you don’t know and I’ll make sure that you always will have no idea about the truth - I know that I’m nothing for you - I know and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’ve been unintentionally falling in love with you. I will give up-maybe not today or next week or next month or next year but I will try.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Sincerely, A Nobody