just another sad story

This story you'll read could have been make you to feel like this is just fiction or sad poetry or whatsoever, but this is real, this is my sad life story at least for now.

Sad. I'm sad all the time. Don't ask me about my life. It's also sad and bad. Yes I'm writing this because I'm feeling sad.

Sometimes I thought that being study in college outside of town is better, maybe in that way I could give mama a little proud for her one fragile and pathetic son.

Now I'm back in town and start over the college here and do what I do like watch tv or watch movies or watch movies on tv. Mama always like why can't you be like another kids, mama's friends' kids. Being outside much and hang out with friends and have some good achievement and make their parents happy. And I was like yes I'm bad, I'm not good, I'm not perfect.

And this keep happening again and again. This is me, I have introvert condition and less confident and overthink of things and dont have much friends because my bad social ability and being in home like all the time because I'm just love being in home.

Should I change into extrovert. My father and my big brother are both very extrovert person. The gene might be somewhere inside me. I might just need more time to finally found it. Yes I'm talking nonsense.

Oh life is so frustrating. I'll be nineteen on november, which is mean I'm going to be twenty by next year. Yes I don't wanna end up live my life in this endless sad circle til the end of my life.

I wanted to change. Damn I said that every first day in every new months but yet none of those words work. What I want, what I wish, is I could be finally mature and totally grown up and change for good when I'm twenty.

I'm keeping on think about this and write about this but they're no use without any single actual action. I know that.