end of year internal dialogue

me 2018: 

It’s my last day now. I feel so sad that I will leave forever.

me 2019: 

It’s okay. You did well. You’ve done so many amazing things.

me 2018: 

But there are so many other things I wish I would have done.

me 2019: 

Like what? I think you’ve done quite abundance of things.

me 2018: 

You know what, like building as well as maintaining good habits.

me 2019: 

Physically? Spiritually? Or both of them at once perhaps?

me 2018: 

I wish you will do better than I could have ever been so far.

me 2019:

You did the small steps right? Remember the (liqo) you join in for like one or two meetings after doing the research presentation (skripsi) thing?

me 2018: 
Yeah, even I almost forgot I actually ever did such a thing.

me 2019: 
And the online (kajian) of your several favorite ustads you used to watch during the end of 2017 and the beginning of 2018?

me 2017: 
Why mentioning me all of the sudden?

me 2018: 
Hello, there. Been missing you a lot, dear brother.

me 2017: 
I thought that we’re agree to call me the most desperate year ever?

me 2018: 
Yeah, very true, but I don’t know, its just kinda fun to having you here.

me 2017: 
Okay, byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

me 2019: 
Wow, that was awkward.

me 2018: 
You know how he was right?

me 2019: 
So, where were we?

me 2018: 
The cute small steps I have taken but not able to keep them going.

me 2019: 
Yeah, and I remember you went to offline kajian once right? But you don’t continue going because you don’t feel you’re good enough?

me 2018: 
I don’t know. You know the best friend of ours has been kinda super good lately right? And I keep comparing myelf to him which is not a heathy habit we’ve been doing for too many times and eventually ended up thinking that maybe I’m just not ready or not good enough yet to be better. I know my logic doesn’t make any sense at all though.

me 2019: 
And you expect me to continue doing what you started but then leave?

me 2018: 
Yep. I’m sorry but you know I’m not gonna be around tomorrow because you’re going to take over my place right? Wishfully you can do better.

me 2019: 
I’ll try my best, brother. What about the physical exercises?

me 2018: 
You know I did some this year. Some of them making me felt good and others got me sickness of dissy and disgusting throw up experiences.

me 2019: 
So, I need to do just the same but less crazy and more regularly?

me 2018: 
Oh and please don’t forget to do the body building we’ve dreamed about.

me 2019: 
Sure thing. Wish me luck. I’m so excited and nervous and whatever.

#30DWC #30DWCJilid16 #Day22
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