hello negativity

I know that self diagnose or self proclaim is not recommended because it is not objectively examined by experts but here I am telling you all that I am really sick. I’m insecure and I don’t know what for. Familiar with the lyrics? You got it right. It was actually inspired from a song lyric by a group that used to be very popular several years ago when they first debut and their success sky rocketing so high. But not anymore and I don’t know why and I don’t care how so let just forget what I was saying 

I am sick. I’m dying. By my very own negativity I keep telling myself every day. That I am not good enough, I can never be happy because I’m just me. I wanna be good enough and happy and whatever but I’m still pretty much just me. Every end of the year, I wish the same wishes that I already said last year or the year before last year or years and years before, yet I cannot sense any difference happening.

The New Year is just about to begin, we literally only have 10 days left in 2018. Should we really start making the list of wishes again? And regret for not doing the wishes at the end of the next year? I don’t really know. What do you think?

My body is too skinny, my face is too ugly, my eyes are so yellowish and reddish. I don’t know how to play guitar, unable to swim, cannot whistle, or blow a balloon. I always sing along with the music I listen to but when I try to record a video of me singing it turns out to be a disaster, well my voice is not so good.

But the most non favorite part of being me is that I always gave up before trying. The girl I’m so in love with, or I was so in love with, didn’t know how I really feel about her because I was too afraid and because I was too insecure that I don’t think I can ever stood up and fight for what I believe because she deserves better man.

If only I am not too skinny, if only I am not too ugly, if only my eyes are so white. I will definitely be happier or maybe got a girl to be called more than just friend. Or I can freely taking pictures whenever people asking to join the group photos without making any internal debates over give it a yes or politely refuse the offer hehehe.

#30DWC #30DWCJilid16 #Day12
30 Days Writing Challenge