night dream diaries

I had a weirdest wet dream last night. It was not anything related to sensual acitivity but I was in the middle of writing course session and I failed writing anything which made me feel bad and I felt something wet on my pants that I thought I was peeing so I got away silently to take a shower.

The dream did not ended and just keep going until I finished showering and talking again with other people in the dream and suddenly awoke and touching my pant then finally found out that the wet wasnt about peeing but it was wet caused by the automatic sperms released without sexual dream.

Nocturnal emission or spontaneous orgasm during sleep but without sex dream is the worst thing you could ever imagine to be actually happened.

Probably because I took wudhu before sleeping maybe? To be awaken and found out that it wasnt a pee but an orgasm during sleep  got me mix feelings of happy and sad. happy because its wet and sad because its wet without sexual dream related.

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(Writing from last year) :

finally wet dream with my crush

It’s around 4 am in the morning. I just woke up after a really intimate sexual wet dream with my crush. It was amazing. The sex in the dream was amazing. She texted me couple of times. The last text was about the debate practice. After that I woke up for a brief. I literally open my eyes. Then I close my eyes again and it happened, I’m in the woods, and I saw her naked with a stranger, a random boy, I got jealous, I though theyre having sex, I took her from him and then I was having sex with her instead, she was screaming a little because it was tight, my thing in the dream was kinda bigger so her thing is sort of hurt a little, I paused for a moment and then I do the move, it was woman on top. The dream was kinda vivid. I was half sleep and half awake but im pretty sure I was dreaming. A little while after, she told me she was pregnant and it was her first time doing it then im having ejaculation and open my eyes and feel and saw my pants wet and sticky. Its just my day 5 of nofap. And earlier the day before, in the morning, a friend of mine told me that she, my crush, sent her gratitude towards me because she saw me in my friend’s updated instagram story, at that time my heart was pumping. I knew I still have feelings for her. Then in the night she was appearing in my dream for a bunch of times, finally we’re having sex in the end. Tonight is a little weird because I was having hard times to fall asleep because I got sudden influenza caused by the dust in my fan which made me didn’t even know whether I could actually went to bed tonight or not and then I finally asleep and all this sleep woke up and sleep again and woke up again happened. And surprisingly I finally had a wet dream with my crush. So weird but so intense I saw her face but I also seeing the position we’re having sex. It was quick but memorable. I got wet and woke up when she told me she was pregnant.

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(writing from last year) :

I've been asking around

I made some sort of  Q&A session with two of my older friends which I consider may giving answers towards questions around particular issue. they were suggesting different answers and perspectives but the point is the same. yet not as expected, somewhat unsatisfied. or maybe, just maybe, that deep down, the only answer I'm searching for is actually nowhere than within me. I've been struggling with it for quite a while that I might become an expert or at least comprehend it a little better. too clear and too vague to be realized though. how to forget about (a) is not by collecting data and applying method of how to forget the (a) but simply by let myself busy with (b) or (c) or (d) then I might somehow can automatically not thinking about (a) anymore. So what I was questioning around is  no other than boys thing which is you know “the porn and fap” that actually I’ve been trying to stop from since last year but always facing repetitive failures. My maximum record is only around 1 month. So technically it can only be delayed but never actually stop. Is it really impossible to put an end for that “p and f”? there are pros and cons on the internet related to this issue. And I also asking them in which side would they rather group themselves into. My guess is that they are no longer bothered by this problem. And one more thing that keeps me depressed is that I have one friend that actually has no contact with porn and fap for years and I really wanna be like him even though I know it’s hard to believe that that kind of human is actually exist. And the last question is about the probability of I can really stop or not. One of them suggest me to do the sex before marriage which of course I cannot do that due to the cultural and religious values and it’s just clearly too impossible for me that I cannot even confess my feelings properly to the girls I liked so how can I even do such a thing, right? The other one somehow tend to be more realist saying that it is impossible to stop and it is okay because everybody is doing the same. He even recommended me some porn websites to go visit.